Sunsets and Moonlights II

   

     Sand crept to the soles of her feet, between her toes and water caressed and tickled those parts. It was warm, the water felt warm as she bowed and cupped them with her palms. She let the liquid escape through gapes in her fingers and she giggled. She saw a tiny fish making its way inside a rock. She took a step towards the part of the shore where seaweeds were exposed by the low tide. She wiped her hands at the back of her shirt and grabbed the cam hanging on her neck. She looked into a tiny hole and snap she did as she tried to chase the water kissing the rocks. The sun was about to sink into the ocean and she could feel the warm glow of the sun magnified a hundred times over the waters.

Sunsets and Moonlights :When We Were Young

He looked at me with those soulful eyes. I turned away and gazed at the sea. The sun was about to set again. The summer heat made my cheeks red. I listened to the whisper of the wind. As always the atmosphere brought back a thousand and one memories. That part of me that kept holding on lingered. What if I never left? What if it were still us? So many questions, not one answer.

BLUE SUNSET- A Novel in the Making

(The following was written around five years ago, a product of my wild imagination inspired by a heart that loves beyond time and distance- for everyone who ever loved and lost but still  believes in the magic of ONE GREAT LOVE)
*Shall I continue writing it? Is it worth sharing to the whole world? Please let me know what you think in the comment boxes.Thank you for your time...

BLUE SUNSET

By Sunsetzens

Chapter 1

This is a story that almost a year ago I did not dare to write….”a story which I said was too precious to me that it must be kept untold and unwritten…unread….even by me in the chasm of my mind….” Until such a time when it became unbearable to keep the tale unexpressed…it gave me dreams of the sun setting every time… 

“It was past midnight…I was having that dream again….” He was there…..just as he promised he’d be…..looking intently at me…his eyes were talking to me again…and I wanted to fly…have you ever felt that shuddering feeling that creeps from the tips of your fingers to your chest…making your heart beat like a thousand drums? aaahh sometimes I wish I hadn’t met him at all because each time I see him I die…I die a million times or more…..he was smiling and I couldn’t stop myself from drawing closer and closer to him….nearer to the setting sun….I’ve written about this moment so many times already that when finally I was in that oh so exquisite setting….I was so mesmerized I couldn’t believe my eyes….and I was there…just there….stuck and struck by the beauty of his countenance…his face was so unlike other faces I have ever seen….because…he looked exactly like me….save for the dimple on his cheek….for a moment or two I wanted to turn my back and walk away….to run as fast as I can…”why taste something you could never own?” my mind was yelling at me in a matter-of-factly tone…..and I…….I was frozen…..in time. in space…and I just stood there looking at him…at the face that has long been etched in my memory that even if he faded right then and there I still would be able to paint each curve…each line on his face…..aaaahhhhhh insanity…… The sun was bidding goodbye to the day……and all we had was that certain time in history…..all we had was that one ending of a day…..as I turned my head to keep my hair from obscuring my vision I felt the cold breeze caressing my face and I heard laughter somewhere along the coast….the water started tickling my toes….I was afraid…yes I was so afraid but I was that close to happiness that I mustered all the strength left in the insane being that was me and started to walk…nearer and nearer to the man watching the setting of the sun…. He was still there….making funny gestures…playing the part we carefully planned….to make this day….a day in never land….when finally I was beside him….our eyes locked….the sun seemed to dance as it took on a raging yellow hue that blended with the sky’s violet-blue. I felt rain on my cheeks as the dam that kept the tears from falling finally gave way…..my shoulders shook and he carefully drew me close, held my face with his hands and wiped away the tears with his thumbs…”please do not cry,” he said “remember…this time…this place…now and here is all we have. all we will ever have so please stop weeping” he said while giving me that oh so childish grin while winking his eyes that were so like mine….I knew I wouldn’t be able to stand his chagrin so in desperation I turned away for a minute….wiped what was left of the tears and started laughing out loud like crazy……………. I felt cold hands clasping mine…his, he was actually trembling like he did the first and last time we kissed….many years ago. he was such a gentleman to have asked me then in words I could barely hear “Can I kiss you?” aaahhhh the words echoed in my heart and mind. Funny thing was that my hands too were perspiring as usual and yah awkwardly were making involuntary twitches. Everything felt surreal. It was as if I wasn’t me at all…or am I already me now…I do not even know why I am writing this. I just know that everything I feel or felt were real…for minutes we just stood there facing each other, holding each others’ hands. looking into each others’ eyes questioning fate, searching for answers to questions we were much too afraid to ask one another…I had to clear my throat because the intensity of it all was making my breathing faster than usual and just as I was about to say something I can no longer recall he too opened his mouth and we were uttering words we didn’t comprehend because we spoke in unison. The absurdity of it all brought us back to reality. It was him who smiled first and seeing that burrow on his cheek instantly pulled my cheeks towards my ears. Bizarre but we could actually coax people into believing we are twins. “Let’s play a game,” he said. “Look into my tantalizing eyes Yore!” he said while comically gazing towards the sky and I replied while imitating him “hmmmm whoever said those eyes were tantalizing?” “Hahahahaha you! You told me Yore!” he was half arguing, half convincing me. And then our eyes met again. “Here’s the deal, whoever blinks first gets a kiss,” he spoke in a tone that made my nerves quiver. I knew he was joking. He then held my hand, looked straight into my soul and I braced myself for what was to be a battle of defiance. The instant I gazed into his being, I froze. All the memories hit me and the delight I first deemed was replaced by guilt and I, I closed my eyes. Then I felt it….I perceived the face that was so like mine breaking the barriers we built for years…and at the precise moment when his lips reached mine, my tears fell like time enriched wine….actually making their way into our lips making me open my eyes for a second or two and I could not believe what I saw…he too…he too was crying and instantaneously our lips parted but his arms caught me in an embrace that transcended time and space….ostensibly I heard a multitude of angels singing above the clouds…cheering two hearts, two souls that finally found each other after light years of waiting. We were there…we were there…at long last and even if neither of us spoke a word for what seemed like eternity we knew it was all made in heaven…and we weren’t ourselves. We were them…whoever they were who were lost in time…lost from each other’s arms for a long long time…..the humming of the cold breeze transported our minds to where we were and just as we turned to face the horizon…the sun was bidding goodbye and as we both gazed at the beautiful ball ebbing its way into the universe left unknown we sensed a certain connection with the sky, the sea and the rest of the universe….it was like one colossal ending with matching orchestra for musical scoring. Believe it or not I heard the notes coming from somewhere up above. Then darkness leisurely came like an uninvited guest and we knew we had to say goodbye…we had to say good bye….we simply had to bid goodbye…’til then…’til the next lifetime….I could not bear to say the words because that would have killed the still insane being that was me….so I just turned away….walked in haste…walked in haste as if running against time and space at the same time…

I felt the wind on my face and could taste the ocean’s salty wave…I placed my right hand on my left chest to keep it from bursting into a thousand pieces because I was beginning to feel it…the anguish and the pain of it all…I felt one great surge of emotion just as I was barely a meter to the car and my feet lost all vigor and I somberly gave in to my heart’s desire…I stopped running and sat there on the sand…..for how long I do not know….and the memories of long ago came both soothing and scorning me…. The hum of my own sobbing brought me back to reality, I found it difficult to breathe and I sat up in bed, hugged a pillow close to my chest and conjured the images of twenty years ago….. 

-to be continued- 

The Lantern: Just Another Christmas Story

She was walking along the shore watching the sky change color. She was at it again, trying to bring back the memories at the end of the day. She thought that if she could catch the rays of the sun, precisely the same light waves it would change everything. So she kept writing on the sand, his name next to hers with cupid's bow and arrow. She'd replace the image as soon as the waves crept to erase it. The water tickled her toes and she giggled. The sand turned yellow and made cupid's bow glisten. She smiled, that kind of smile that 's out of this world. "I see you! It is you Alex! What took you so long?" She began running towards the water. With arms outstretched and hair hanging loose she jumped into the water. The sun was almost gone. It painted the world a mixture of peach, velvet and gray. Save for the fishermen meters away the area was almost deserted. She felt the splash of fluid on her trunk and the wind blew on her ear. She could see Alex waving and winking at her. She closed her eyes and took a dive. He was finally here and her heart sang with the sky as the gigantic ball of light disappeared and made way for night. As a huge wave encompassed her being she lost control of her limbs and gave in to the weariness of her body. She was panting when she regained consciousness. Someone has been blowing air into her lungs and she coughed and coughed before she could open her eyes. A woman thrice her age lifted her torso and embraced her, softly rocking her body in a lullabye. "Ssssshhhh hush now Ana dear." She whispered as she gently stroked her hair. "Alex has long been gone Ana, he has gone to the afterlife long ago but we have each other dear don't despair sssshhhhh ssshhhh hush now dear." The woman fought back the tears as Ana stared her straight into her eyes and said "No you are wrong I just saw him and he was calling out my name!" "My son is gone Ana, he drowned years ago here. You were with him remember?" She looked out into the vastness of space and for several minutes remained pensive.  The sound of distant motorboats brought her back to her senses and she began to cry.  She groaned in anguish like an abandoned child.  "Alex!!!!!!!!!" she called out struggling to crawl her way to the ocean. It was the fifth death anniversary of Alex on the day of their wedding. She passed out crying in the arms of Alex's mom.

Three years after she was standing on the same spot watching the sun kiss the sea. A child  was holding her hands asking her to play on the sand. The child began scribbling on the ground.  She drew a huge heart and wrote her parents' names on the sand. Ana loves Andrei. Ana smiled and gave the child's shoulder a pat. She breathed a sigh and smiled. She whispered to the wind and said "Forgive me Alex, I bore the son of Andrei but it was always you I loved. Forgive me because the pain I gave you made you take your own life thinking I never loved you at all. Forgive me."  Shaking hands touched her nape and she froze. A voice said "he has forgiven you, I feel it. My sons both loved you and now we must move on." My grandson is waiting and Christmas is just hours away. Ana smiled with tears welling up her eyes.  The two women embraced and watched the sun give way to the stars twinkling above the universe.

My Healthy Pastime: Writing Fiction- Dear Friend (Series 1)

Dear Friend,

I woke up again, thinking of you. Do you have any idea how many times in a day you cross my mind? I remember you the moment I open my eyes. When I walk out the door and hear the chimes your smile welcomes me into the world. Do you remember the time we lost our minds betting in a game? I still have the pen you gave me then and each time I find work too chaotic and unbearable, I would scribble our names over and over and think of our happy times. I'd feel great after, and ready to face my battles. Sometimes I feel like giving up and everything is a bore. I'd dig for your photo in my wallet and tears would run down my face. It is funny how each drop would run after another chasing each other to my lips. They all taste the same though, bitter and hard to swallow. Hey, I've lost my appetite. The apple pies, the chips we used to gobble up in a blast no longer appeal to me. And yes, sorry I lost a lot of weight. I remember how you would recite a sermon for me when I failed to drink my vitamins. You'd make a run down of every disease I am prone to develop and I would end up shutting you up forcing my hand over your mouth. Then came the surprise we both didn't expect. I kissed you and you slapped me hard on the cheeks. I remember running after you and calling out your name. You never looked back. You just walked away and I never heard from you again, ever. I missed you, I missed you every second of the day. Everything became a blur, all my dreams, all my wishes. I even forgot who I was. You were my world. I guess it is pretty obvious, my world is still you.

Tonight I will look up the stars again and wish against all wishes that I will see you somehow in my dreams. That's the only place I could see you now. The only place where I could tell you that "I love you," that I loved you the first time I laid my eyes on you, that I loved you through the years I kept silent and made you believe you were just a friend. I guess it was too late, too late when I had the courage to let you know. You have finally found the one then, the one who took you to the altar and made a vow to be with you all the days of your lives and there was no turning back for you. Not even when you realized "life will never be the same without my smiles".  I guess that's how LIFE is, a box of surprises. That day we met again and you wished you could turn back time..you know I wanted to take you away with me and we'd go somewhere so far no one would know. Yet you said, it was too late...it was too late and all you asked of me was to become his friend too. I wondered and fought the pain I felt but I loved you too much that I agreed to see him with you. It was then that I learned that LIFE is cruel for the three of us. How could that one person we both dearly loved be taken away from us too soon? How could happiness be too fleeting?

And so I left you with him. Not because I did not love you enough to take care of you during your last days, but because seeing you suffer was just TOO MUCH TO BEAR! Oh God, I cursed the heavens, I even tried to snap my own life out! May God forgive me but I almost left this world before you did. Yet somehow, in the tragedy of it all, your LOVE kept me strong. As I lay in bed then contemplating I recalled your SMILE, that one SMILE that always made me feel alright. And sleep took over my weariness and I heard your voice. "Take care bestfriend, you were THE ONE, you were that one person who made me whole and nothing will ever change that...and yes I LOVE YOU TOO...take care now..."

I woke up smelling your favorite scent and reading a message from him on my phone..."SHE'S GONE"- those words ended my world....

So to this day I struggle...I struggle to LIVE a life where flowers have no colors and songs have no meaning....until that day when HEAVEN reunites me with you...FRIEND....

Sunsets And Moonlights 1

She was staring at his photos again. Looking at those familiar eyes. His grin never changed. It almost always somehow never reached his eyes. Yet he has those eyelashes that were long enough to touch the sky and make one think of clouds passing over the hills on a summer day. One look into his eyes and she knew she’d froze. She breathed a sigh thinking how fate could be too tricky at times. She scanned his photos wanting to keep her emotions at bay whilst wishing circumstances would bring them back together. It was weird that the longer she stared at him, the more she saw herself. He was wearing a shirt that made him look younger for his age. She smiled seeing the boyish gorgeousness she gave up years ago…Has he moved on? Has he finally found the one? She wondered and felt happy that technology brought him back, at least his memories were back. Someone entered the room and she closed her browser. Time to go back to reality, she smiled back at the man signalling her to follow outside for dinner. It was a blissful life she had but something in her wanted to go back to the past, to ask for forgiveness and stare into those lonely-happy eyes again.....

He was walking along the shore, looking at the sun making its way into the ocean and below. Did it sink into the bottom of the sea? Does the sun go to sleep at night? He asked the child in him as he dug his feet. He allowed his tired legs to finally rest and embrace water and sand. From a distance he could hear kids screaming with delight as the waves came to and fro. He was thinking of her again. Why does he remember her each time he watches the end of the day? How many times has he asked himself that question he could not remember. He just knew that a part of him ached to see her again. As the night made its way into the world, once again his heart and all of his soul hid in the memory of the first girl who made his entire being believe in eternity....

"So who is your new crush? Tell me please!!! Please! Please tell me!!" the girl was tugging at the boy's shirt. "I will tell you, when the right time comes," the boy replied laughing and trying to keep the girl's hands off his shirt. "Please!!! you are my bestfriend right? therefore I have all the right to know!" "Tomorrow, I will tell you okay?" The boy smiled at her and made his way out of the school gate. His heart was beating so fast he could almost hear it coming out of his chest. Was it true what old people say, that one's heart could speak the name of one's beloved? He feared she could have heard his heart. She must not know yet. He wasn't ready to tell her, He still had crumbs of rejection in his young soul and feared another one. He spent the longest night of his childhood contemplating a future with the girl of his dreams.

"Good morning bestie!!!! so are you ready to tell me?" The girl was wearing ribbons on her hair and her eyes glowed against the sun's rays. There really is no stopping her he thought. "Who???!!!" She was jumping around him and was beginning to get the attention of onlookers so he had to say "okay, okay" and handed her a small, a very tiny piece of paper. She took it happily and opened it. Three letters were written on it in a jumbled pattern. She could not believe her eyes. She stared at him with the smile erased from her face. His heart was beating so fast again he had to momentarily close his eyes. He dared not speak for awhile as the girl fumbled with the paper. "O-Y-U....YOU"- "me????!!!" "how could it be me? is it really me?" The girl asked him smiling hugely. "So, you aren't mad?" "You are not angry? seriously not angry?" "Why would I be angry at you?" "So....does that mean, I am your crush too?" "hahahaha, I will think about it okay?" The girl left him laughing and skipping her way to their classroom.

...the memory of that one day makes her smile to this day. It still makes her think of teddy bears and pretty flowers and rainbows. As she clicked on the x button she promised herself, she will grab the chance to ask for forgiveness from him when God and Time allow...

As he made is way back home, he knew it in his heart that he could forgive her. That he has the capacity to forgive her seventy times seven the moment she asked for it. She only had to ask for it. But when will time and circumstance allow their paths to cross again? He wondered, and kept his heart closed for anyone who ever wanted to enter it ...because for as long as that girl is alive, he knew, his heart will stubbornly not beat for anyone else....

~#~#~#~#

click here for Sunsets and Moonlights II

The Fading Sun....

After all these years, she still finds the same spark in his eyes she used to chase. It felt surreal as always, everything felt surreal. She breathed a sigh as she watched him glide in his world. Whatever it was that she took from him she knows she will never be able to return in this lifetime. Yet somehow, in the agony of that longing to turn back time she felt he has accepted fate......

The wind blew off the strands of her hair. The boy next to her was drawing eyelashes on a sheet of his notebook. He was distracted by the noise outside and began erasing the image on the paper. She laughed as he began sketching again. She teased him by changing position every so often as he struggled to keep his pencil lightly on his left hand. The figure of an innocent face appeared and a gazillion of emotions raced on her chest as he saw him in deep thought looking intermittently at the face infront of him and the face he was sketching. He knew as much as she knew that there was something permanent growing in their hearts. It was like the glow of the sun at the end of the day fading into the ocean and leaving specks of vivid colors in the sky and radiating into different angles of the universe....

He took out something from the drawer, a framed photo. It was the sketch of the girl, the only girl he ever loved. Her eyes seemed to be looking straight into his. It did not surprise him that after all these years, staring at the mere photo of her would make his heart beat fast. He looked down at her perfectly chiseled nose and smiling lips and wondered whether he could ever kiss her again.....

"Can I kiss you?" his rugged breathing almost drowned his voice. "Yes," the girl replied closing her eyes. In the silence of the noon they felt anxious, and crazy, fearful and joyful. Two seconds, they opened their eyes and looked at each other. His eyes seemed to be wet. His hands were shaking as he held hers. "So this is how it feels, my whole being is shaking Yore." She smiled and did not say a word. She just held his hand in hers and lay her head on his shoulders as they watched the world go by. Everything seemed perfect and nothing could keep them apart ever....

He saw her, she was walking along the shore with someone else. They seemed to be having so much fun chatting. His heart was torn into pieces. It was as if the sky fell on his head and toppled every inch of his dreams; tore his soul and threw him into the abyss. Thunder and lightning struck inside his chest and that very moment something inside him snapped and shed floods of tears into his being. He kept mum. He could not utter a word much more shout the pain he felt inside. It was too powerful an emotion to bear. He could not find it in his heart to hate her yet every nerve in his being shouted he must flee, forget her and go on living. For years he spent every second of the day trying to undo the love he etched on his heart.....

It was him! It really was him standing before her, talking to her and asking her how she was. She wanted to slap her own cheek to bring her senses back to reality. Yet reality she was facing. This was the boy, now a man speaking to her in the most tender way. How she hated herself as he evaded eye contact every chance she tried to connect with his soul. He was smiling yet she could fathom the anguish he must be going through seeing her. She felt the same way. Regret, raw pain, happiness and anxiety filled her being as she chased his eyes. He wanted to ask why she left him. She wanted to explain her side but there was nothing that could justify her deed. "Forgive me please," she wanted to say yet she was too shy to verbalize. They simply talked of mundane matters, work, family, friends until they had to part. Neither of them was free now and no matter how beautiful that thing was that they shared in the past must now be left IN THE PAST. How could fate be too cruel at times.....

He looked at her. Treasured her very smile, every frown even her shrieking voice. That moment was all they had. They said their goodbyes like they will see each other again though they both realized, that was supposed to be the last time.....yet deep in their hearts they perceived...

.... that nothing could ever replace what they both had and that not time and distance could keep their hearts apart....as the sun faded into the ocean they knew the next day it will rise again and that LOVE, TRUE LOVE ETCHED IN THE SKY WILL NEVER EVER DIE. . . . . .

August

     The sun caught a part of his eyes. He was chasing its rays, wanting them to touch the letter I l, o, v and e on the phrase he wrote on the sand. He was thinking of her, as always as he watched the majestic ball kissing the ocean. Where was she? Has she forgotten? It's been such a long time. Yet the pain remains, the pain of losing her in this lifetime. People ask him, all the time why he has not yet settled down. He would just shrug off the query, smile and say "well, it is great to be single and free"! People never saw the sadness. He always kept smiling. If there is anything he does best, it's hiding his feelings. But not to her, no not to her, he could never hide what he was feeling from her. One look from her eyes and he's totally caught in the web of a feeling that has kept haunting him through the years. Yet where was she? Today was the date they saved on their hearts a long time ago. Where was she? has she forgotten? The sun settled beneath the world and he was left wondering to himself, hugging himself and crying out silently talking to the sand, the stones, the water caressing his feet. Maybe next hear he quipped. Maybe next year, she will be here. He said that the other year and he kept saying it through the years and left the shore with heavy shoulders and sagging cheeks.

The Staircase

 

    It was one of those nights when she could not figure out what it was she was missing. She was fumbling with her pillow, listening to the tic tac of the clock. It was quite late and it was raining. Oh, that was it she told herself, or tried to convince herself. It was the rain that kept her awake..or was it? Grabbing a book from the shelf to her right she dug into the page with the marker and tried to read with her glasses on "To Maria, Life will never be the same without you," handwritten beautifully on the first page of the book.

     She wondered as she hesitantly put the book down just when will  he be home. She wondered everyday, every minute every hour. As always a tear fell from her eyes like rain pouring on the ground. She always pretended she was okay when people asked how she was. But the truth was, she could not stop loving him, not even when it already hurt. Yet why must it hurt, oh God why does it still hurt she asked for the nth time. She stared at the ceiling then shut her eyes.

      She would wait like she did every night for the memories to put her to sleep like a lullaby- the smiles, the laughter, the gentle touches would return to her in little bits of paper that seemed to be falling from the sky, confetti she recognizes as him. He would be there each night, hugging her, caressing her, playing with her hands like fragile dew on petals at sunrise. He would sing out to her with that voice that took her to places she only dreamed of. It was those eyes, that matched the shadows of the night and serenaded her every breath that she missed the most. She would run and he would run after her shouting out her name. Their laughter was a symphony that none could match. She could feel the moist grass on her soles and smell the lavenders afar. The leaves of the trees would sway as she touched his hands and birds in flight seemed to wave to them. Her white dress flung with the wind as he lifted her and danced  with the clouds. She looked at his face with that familiar gaze that tickles her heart and at that precise moment as always she will wake up crying and feeling emptier than ever unable to move, frozen, numb, desperate. 

     That particular morning was different. She felt something joyful by the trees. It was as if someone has arrived and she had to dress up. She looked out and saw their dog by the gate barking. She smiled. He was home!

      She just knew it. She hurried down the staircase, looked down at the open door and the moment happened. She fell, she fell with those aching hips, calloused feet and wrinkled hands and silver hair that waited for years to be touched by him again. And he was there, right there to catch her. And they danced to the rhythm of the rain and wind. The dog barking endlessly watched two souls merrily leaving the old house and swirling up in the clouds to a place where loving someone never hurts.

 

~from my humble world to yours~

kulasa

Free

She was scanning the books on the shelf. A page from one scrapbook fell. She picked it up and a smile crossed her face. Like in the movies she hugged the page close to her chest and closed her eyes. Dust found their way into her nostrils and she began to sneeze unceasingly. A cat mewed behind the shelves and drove her out of the room for fear of the devil and hell itself. She laughed hard as her feet got caught in a broomstick thrown across the door. "You witch!" she screamed at her cousin arranging vases in another room. "Gee, what hell brought you out of the library?!" her cousin yelled back. "This!!" she threw the crumpled paper towards the other woman. Picking the almost torn to pieces brown paper her cousin's brows curled as she sneezed. "Whoa! you found it!!" The broom found its way to the other woman's feet as they began to run out of the door giggling and shouting sweet profanities.