Wednesday, February 15, 2017

How Do You Hate Someone You Love?

~A Guest Post~

I do not know the answer. That is why I am asking. How do you not love someone you love? Love is patient and kind, it is written in the Bible. Yet how does one endure the pain of betrayal of one's beloved? How does one live with doubt? How does one get away from trust issues? Sigh, I wish I knew the answer now.

I have written an article here on "What To Do When The One You Love Finds Someone Else" years ago. Now I do not know how to deal with it LOL. Experience really is the best teacher but it is the most dangerous. Sometimes I just want to get away from love- to go running and never turn my back and say goodbye for real.

What happened? I discovered my reality was not that good. I always thought FOREVER exists, somewhere. Until I saw for myself how he flirted with other women. Yes, women, plural. It killed me. He killed me. I don't know when I will heal. I am still bleeding to date. I still can't wake up in the morning and feel truly alive. I am hurting.

It feels great though having said it. Having admitted that yes, I am struggling with my marriage. Yes, I am at the crossroads. I keep praying everyday. Praying that he will change. Praying that I can keep my promise to protect the marriage. I believe in the sanctity of marriage. Though we didn't get married in church. It was a civil ceremony yet binding of course.

What saddens me is that I have lost my spark. I no longer shine. I have become ugly. I feel ugly. I feel unloved no matter how many times he claims he loves me. I no longer believe in ever after.

Until then....


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